Today has been a hard day

One of the problems with problems in life is that you don't get to deal with them one at a time.

I think I live a pretty charmed life on some fronts, and I used to think that I was resilient. I don't handle stress well. I don't think I ever have. I do think that I used to have better outlets. When you are single and don't really have the responsibility of taking care of other people it's a lot easier to get a break. I used to swim competitively, I took a lot of my frustrations out on the water. I also used to climb trees and swing on ropes when I was stressed - my body frame no longer allows that stress relief. I used to be able to go for a walk by myself to clear my head. I now have three children and I can barely use the restroom by myself; I do, but it is not without consequences at times. The time will come when I will be able to have more time to clear my head, and I am pretty sure that I will miss the days when my kids really needed me.

I still believe that people are generally good. I still believe that I can benefit from knowing people, even if the benefit is that I learn that some people are not good and it is better to not waste my time with them. I generally like people, I can find good in anyone, but I am learning that sometimes it is better to not focus on the positives of some people and to let myself recognize the negative and RUN!! Mean and broken people don't get fixed by people being nice to them. People that are nice to them end up eating the crap that mean and broken people produce. I will never condone being mean, even to mean people. I will condone being civil and distancing myself/yourself from the situation. Don't stay around hoping that it will get better because chances are that it will get worse.

Anyway, back to the charmed part. I have what I consider almost a fairy tale life on some fronts. I was wise enough to marry a good man. That is not to say a perfect man, but let's face it, my husband did not marry a perfect woman either. Anyway, I have a pretty good marriage - it has taken work, but it is pretty good. I am fortunate to be able to stay home with my three little kiddos. I didn't always have that opportunity and that makes me even more grateful to have that opportunity now. They are awesome and are free from major physical illnesses. I have a roof over my head in a safe and good neighborhood. I have food on my table and in my fridge. When water comes out of my tap, it is safe to drink. I love and honor my parents and they are a great support to me. I also have good siblings who know the bad and still love me, even if we don't always get along. I have some wonderful friends. I realize that I have it good, and I know many people who have not been as fortunate. I am grateful for what I have.

That said - I don't handle stress well lately and I have a few stresses. Nothing insurmountable, and if they hit separately, I think I'd do just fine. I am dealing with mean people, my daughter's diagnosis and beginning therapy with my daughter, some weird health issues of my own and feelings of guilt and inadequacy that are mostly unfounded but still plague me and then there is just life.

Like I said, nothing that I can't and wont handle, but can I just say today has been a hard day.